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| "Psyché et l’Amour endormi" (1636) Painted by Peter Paul Rubens (1577–1640). Source. |
My portfolio can be found here. Please let me know what you think, and happy reading!
Saturday, 7 September 2019
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My portfolio can be found here. Please let me know what you think, and happy reading!
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Hey Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I think the set-up of your portfolio is absolutely eye-catching! I enjoyed seeing the Great Reading Room as your header as well. I think your use of a quotation in the introduction of your story retelling is a great way to pull the audience in and want to read more, I know it worked for me! I also really enjoyed how you added in the oil point of view because it gave me a good laugh. Well done! Something that caught my attention was the concise paragraphs you had set up, and how these short paragraphs made for a much easier read than if they had been all clumped together as one. I wonder if maybe you extended Psyche's point of view if it would give more parallelism throughout the story since the other two points of views are quite extensive and Psyche's is just one line, but that's just a suggestion!
Hi Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteI loved the layout and theme of your Portfolio! It definitely has a classic feel to it! The addition of the comedic was nice touch. Going from a heavy background to a light comedic effect, allowed the story to flow very nicely. While I was reading your story, I was confused by a few things. Was Psyche holding the lamp or was it next to the bed? Did the lamp oil only come to life or did the entire lamp come to life? Also, was Psyche holding the knife from the start or did she get the knife later? If you wanted to, you could also extend the ending! More dialogue between Cupid and Psyche can be added. Since Psyche only has one line at the end, this would be a great area to add more dialogue. I hope my questions will help you fill in gaps or in clarifying some things. These are just suggestions!
Hi Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteProject feedback: first, as the other comments mentioned, your aesthetic is great. Very classic, but with a great OU feel! Very nice. You've made great progress with your project so far.
There are a few things I could point out about the Cupid & Psyche story. I was confused during the first few paragraphs. Remember that the reader may not have read the original story. I didn't know what you meant about falling off a cliff, or that slowing her descent into ethereal. Is is dead? Is she a goddess? What exactly happened there? I also think Psyche made her decision to kill her hubs a little too fast. Spend a paragraph or two describing her thought process and her agonizing road to making such a terrible decision. Take a reader on a longer journey to help them understand.
Your voice is fun and modern and it adds great comedic relief, especially your lamp oil. That section could also use a little more "stage setting." Did the drop physically change, as in eyes? Where is it in relation to Cupid, Psyche, and the lamp? etc.
Overall, your site is coming along really well and it looks like it will be great!
Hello Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the little oil drop! I wasn't expecting it and it was a good addition to the story in my opinion lol. The first part of the Cupid and Psyche story is a bit confusing. You start off with the quote from her sisters saying that her husband is a hideous monster and then in the thirteenth line I think, Psyche is talking about her husband planning to kill her and her child? I'm not entirely sure where that came from, is that something else her sisters said or is Psyche just making a mountain out of a molehill? Another smaller is detail I'm sort of confused about is how she was poked with an arrow. I understand read that she leaned into it so was Cupid sleeping with arrows or were they on some sort of furniture? It's smaller detail but one I was curious about. Other than that you have a good story! Good luck!
Hey Rebekah! I wanted to focus on your first story, Cupid and Psyche, for my comment. First of all, I love the website design. The banner image and style of the text both fit well with the subject you're writing about. I love how you opened your story. I was immediately captivated by the quote; I wanted to know who said it and what they meant. I think your story has some great description, particularly when you're describing Psyche's first sight of Cupid at night. Your story flows really well, and I was engaged with the plot the entire time. I also really enjoyed the dialogue between your characters. It had a modern twist that showed off another facet of your writing. I knew parts of Greek mythology going into this story, but I definitely learned more about these two characters through reading this. Good luck the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Rebekah,
ReplyDeleteI'm really liking your writing style for the Cupid and Psyche story! It had me entranced as I was reading, and I didn't want the story to end. You brought the characters to life in such an amazing way before the reader's eyes. I also liked the ominous feeling of what Psyche's husband actually was before she saw him. It came together at the end with him saving her from falling off the cliff in the beginning. I was a little confused about that part; but then it made sense when I learned it was Cupid. I also wondered how the servants could stay out of sight when helping Psyche. Would they just fly really fast so she couldn't see them, or hide behind things when she looked around the room? I'm also surprised that Cupid wasn't angry at Psyche at the end for bringing a light into their room after he told her not to. I also didn't realize that Cupid stole Psyche away from who Venus originally wanted Psyche to marry. Just some things to help the reader on their journey through your story, but amazing work!
I also enjoyed the story of Aladdin's Father. It had so many twists and turns but in a good way. The writing was well done as well, and I only had one question. While walking through the desert to China, how did he survive while traveling through the desert?
Hi Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteI love both of the stories you have added to your portfolio so far. Both stories are really interesting and provide interesting takes on the originals. Having read both Cupid and Psyche and the story of Aladdin, I appreciated how your stories had in common with the original tellings. Those common elements helped make your own plot twists more exciting and unexpected. I noticed one sentence that didn't make sense in your story about Aladdin's father: "The two tailors married and months later Mustapha was ecstatic to hear that their family would soon welcome a small addition." It might be good to split this into two sentences or delete the part about Mustapha's excitement. I think that will help you present your idea clearer. Other than that your stories were really great and I wish I could give you more constructive feedback but I think your portfolio is really great so far.
Hi Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love your theme and huge lamp picture as well as the font your blog is in :) But I really enjoyed reading your stories, especially The Story of Aladdin's Father. I thought it was really clever and I love how you made a prequel to Aladdin, but at the same time you did a really good job at leaving it as a cliff-hanger (for anyone who maybe doesn't know the story of Aladdin). I feel like you could even write another story for the "in-between" of the this story and Aladdin, like how did his family react? Did Aladdin want to get revenge for this that maybe wasn't mentioned in the Aladdin story? I also thought your Author's Note was written really well and was super descriptive, I loved hearing your thought process behind the original to this and even when it came to choosing the names. I'm really looking forward to reading your future stories!
Hi Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading The Story of Aladdin's Father. It really fits in well with the themes of the original Aladdin story as well as the setting of Persia, which I noticed with the names of the characters. There was one sentence that confused me in the story when you mentioned that the Great Magician grew older/wished. I feel like there is a word missing. In regards to the plot of the story, I thought it was clever to connect the end of the story to the actual story of Aladdin. I think there is a lot of potential there to write a story that connects the two. I think it would be really interesting as now there is whole backstory you could draw from. From reading your author's note, I was even more impressed by the way you presented the story. I had no idea there was any story about Aladdin's background nor did I know that people considered him to be lazy.
Hi Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading your story about Cupid and Psyche, and there were several things that I really liked about it. First, I thought your dialogue and the character's thoughts were great. The thoughts of the lamp oil were hysterical and really portrayed the reality of the situation really well. Cupid's reaction to the situation was also very funny! Second, I thought Cupid's reaction to what Psyche had done, or attempted to do, was very genuine. His heartbreak was apparent and it was so because of how well you wrote the story. I think adding a little more motivation to Pysche's fear would make the story a lot more well rounded. You briefly mentioned that even the Gods fear this monster she is marrying, but why exactly do they fear him? And if you emphasized that a little more, I think it would do a lot for your story. Also, why is she marrying him if he is a monster? That part confused me a little. Good luck on the rest of the semester!
Hi Rebekah! I really like the stories that you have in your project so far and love that you used a picture of the Great Reading Room as your banner image on your home screen! Such a cool idea! After reading through your stories, I am in awe of your creativity and style of writing. I appreciated how you told the story of Cupid and Psyche and added some twists to the story. One thing that confused me a bit was the significance of the oil.. I liked the humor that this part presented, but the way it was written was slightly confusing to me. Rather than saying, “a drop of lamp oil mysteriously spilled on Cupid's shoulder” before explaining the thoughts of the lamp, it may flow better if you introduce this character first and then say that the oil dropped on Cupid. Just an idea! I also really enjoyed reading “The Story of Aladdin’s Father”. It was beyond creative that you were able to end off with the story leading into the original Aladdin. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteTo start off with, I am very impressed with your storybook! I read the story "The Story of Aladdin's Father" and absolutely loved it! The first thing I liked about the story was the style in which it was written! It flowed very nicely and I feel that it was the perfect length. You incorporated just the right number of details. Additionally, I like the creative spin that you put on this story. I think that it made sense to make the evil magician related to Aladdin. If not, the story might have been a little bit confusing trying to connect all of the character together! Great job! One question I have about the story is why couldn't The Great Magician stop working to take care of his sons? Was it finances? I am just a little curious. Going forward, I think you should keep the same writing style in your future stories! This story sounded like it would have been found in a book; it was that good! Keep up the good work!
Hi Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I loved the layout and design of your portfolio. It looks clean, and the tabs make it easy to navigate through your different stories. Your author's note did a fantastic job of introducing the original feud surrounding Psyche and Venus. The tool that Venus uses to divert the attention of others away from Psyche, is the very thing that escalates more attention and desire towards her. Psyche's beauty is worth enough to be with a God, and Venus's jealousy is intensified causing her to do things, contradictory to her supposedly essence of love and beauty. I loved your use of imagery implemented in the dialogue between Psych and Cupid. Perhaps you could add more to the author's note of more literary changes or syntax that makes your story more unique to the original story. In the Story of Aladdin's Father, you did a great job bridging the gap of character developments and answering the questions you had regarding the character origin and motives behind the evil magician.
Regarding your two stories, I think a possible editing strategy could be to develop and improve your titles. Right now, they depict the theme of your stories, but they fail to invoke emotion and excitement. And your readers should feel this when glancing at your title because your stories are so well-written and entertaining to read. Fantastic job!
Hi Rebekah! Firstly, I just want to say that I love the layout of your website! I really like that you used a full cover as your banner for each page. I also use the full covers for my storybook. I don't know why, but I just really like how they look. I saw that you have also used a different shade for the background of your stories instead of keeping it just white and I really like that. At this point I realized that we both have the same layout. I really enjoyed reading your stories! I especially liked the one about Aladdin's father. I was always curious as to why Aladdin was chosen to get the lamp. I think you did an awesome job on creating this backstory for him and his father. I think it was really creative how you tied up all of the characters by making them related so it doesn't seem random that Aladdin was just picked out of nowhere. And I like that the ending of the story leads right into the original. Overall, I really enjoyed reading all of your stories! Good job!
ReplyDeleteHi Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I want to say that I love that you used a picture of the Great Reading Room as the cover photo for you home page. The look of it goes perfect with the "classic story" theme. Your cover images for all of your stories go perfect with their individual themes as well. If I had one suggestion, it would be to add some type of picture in the middle of the text for each story. This would add to the imagery and add more color to the page. That way, it's not so much white.
I didn't realize how much you had changed in "The Hunter and the Dragon," until I read the author's note. I liked how you gave Hidesato an actual reason for intentionally going to meet the Dragon King. I also like that you changed his motivation from greed to needing to save his village. One thing that I wondered while reading was, why did the elders send a hunter to bargain with the dragon? Did they just want him to be prepared in case he had to defend himself against it?
Great storybook!
Hi Rebekah! I loved your portfolio. I wanted to practice in giving feedback as one of the characters, so here it goes (I will be the lamp oil). Why is the Hottie so enchanted with the witch with the knife? Why doesn't he pay more attention to me? I wouldn't dream of murdering him. What happens to me towards the end of the story? I wonder what I look like. I know I have eyes and that I'm hot in more than one way. My introduction into the story almost disrupts the flow of the overall story. Since I am advocating for my character, I wish my incorporation into the story flowed better with the overall plot. I don't want to be seen only as the lamp oil that woke Cupid up. Maybe, I could have a line towards the end of the story. I didn't even know that Cupid could bring objects to life but here I am! I really enjoyed this story and was so captured by the lamp oil that I wanted to write feedback from its perspective! I can't wait to read more of your stories! You have a wonderful portfolio so far.
ReplyDeleteRebekah,
ReplyDeleteI love the look of your storybook! It is easy and fun to look at, and fits your theme very well. I think your stories look nice as well. They are easy to read and are broken up into nice paragraphs. I think paragraph sectioning can either really enhance a project or ruin one.
One part about your paragraphing I liked was that you put the author's note in a different font. That really set it apart and made it easy to see!
One thing I might consider would be to add a photo in between the story and the author's note. I think this would help set it apart even more, and it will act as a definite end to your story. Just a suggestion, you may have another vision of how you want to develop your storybook! Overall, I think you did a great job of making a storybook that was easy and fun to read. Great job!
Hi Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading the stories in your storybook! They are very well written and entertaining! I think that your author's notes are fantastic. I really like that your author's note had a different font than the story! It made it very easy to understand where the story ended and where your note began. Additionally, your author's notes are very thorough and clear. I appreciate that you explain the original story first and then you go into your creative process. Sometimes people try and explain their creative process and the original story at the same time and it can get to be a little bit confusing! One thing I think you could add to your storybook is more pictures. If you wanted to, you could add a picture right before the author's note! I feel that would be a nice touch to your story and would be a good transition from the story to the author's note. Overall, great job!
Hey, Rebekah!
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading through your stories, "Cupid and Psyche" and "Lord Dragon Friend" and I really enjoyed them both! I think you did a great job of reimagining them both, and I love the changes you made. I also read "Cupid and Psyche" earlier on in the semester, and I wrote a story from it as well, so I was super interested to see what you did with it. I thought the comedy with the oil was funny, although it did seem a tad out of place with th rest of the writing. Still, I enjoyed it. :) I also really thought the alterations you made in "Lord Dragon Friend" were great -- I haven't read the original story for that one, so I don't have a great frame of reference, but from your author's note it sounds like you managed to add some depth that maybe wasn't there before, so good job! Good luck with the rest of the semester!